When Pride Creeps In

My brain is really funny sometimes. Not funny haha, but funny interesting.

Someone’s thoughts is a biggest way the devil if going to attack a follower of Jesus. He will make you think things like “you’re not good enough” or “why would God forgive that?” Both of those are ways that he likes to twist God’s truth or even blatantly lie about it to make you think that you aren’t worthy of God’s love and grace. For me personally, the devil attacks with pride. Pride that I can do it myself, pride that I know what I am doing, and that I am always right and in the right.

Pride is my biggest struggle, and it likes to come out especially when I have to deal with a confrontation.

The other day, my husband Robert and I got into an argument. It wasn’t one that had a winner and a loser, it was one where we had a difference of opinions. In reality, there was no person that was “right” because in the end, how we each saw the world is based on our differing perspectives.

I like to verbally process a lot of things in my life. To-do lists, grocery lists, things I am learning about (biblical principles, mostly), but most of all conversations are all things I love to say out loud to better understand. In my pride, my brain tried to replay the conversation over and over the next day…with each replay, I became snarkier and meaner to the person I chose to build a life with. Most of which, I did not actually say in the real argument, nor would I have. The real argument was over, and done with. To which we both “moved on.” The devil had other ideas.

When I start to have ideas towards other people that elevate myself into thinking “I’m smarter than they are” or “I know better than they do," that’s pride.

Let me tell you…when I realized that, it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. Yeah, I might be correct on some things I say in a confrontation, but there’s no way I’m right or even in the right about every single thought I have.

Because I am a follower of Jesus, God calls me to be humble, and even if it’s not coming out of my mouth…those replays in my head are not very humble. So when I realize that my replays are being more and more prideful, I like to first ask God, “help me with my pride, this is not what I want to think or say” and then I read out a few verses to help.

If you’re struggling with pride, like I do, try reading these verses out loud:

Inherited Religion or Learned Relationship…

I come from a family of strong Christian women, or as my mom told me once when I was struggling as a new mom of two…”a long line of pioneer women” as our family hails from Appalachia, mostly in East Tennessee.

They put on their Levi’s, fed their families, read their Bibles, and said their prayers…all while going through an inner turmoil in their minds.

My Mommaw’s favorite phrase is often, “put your big girl panties on and deal with it.”

The women in my family are some of the strongest people I know. They are the kind of people that if they saw that someone in their town was struggling or needed help, they would not only be the first ones out the door, but they would also be the ones to make sure something was organized to continue support.

When my mommaw saw that her church no longer had the capacity to have a children’s ministry, she started having children’s Bible lessons out of her home. As long as I can remember, my mom was always going on mission trips on her summer break from teaching. Every time there was a ministry that needed to created or supported, the women in my family were always there (most often they were the ones leading the charge).

I seek God on my own, but I learned the importance of Christian community from my mother.

My mother loves God, but she learned how to pray from my grandmother.

My grandmother cherishes God, but she learned how to make reading scripture a priority from my great-grandmother.

I don’t believe in God simply because that’s what my parents believed. I have seen Him work in my life in so many unexpected (and sometimes extremely painful) ways. At one point in my adult life, I had to separate what was my parents’ religion and what was my own personal relationship with God.

I have my own relationship with Jesus, that I don’t claim to have just because my mom believed in Him. But, watching my mom (along with my Mommaw and great-aunt Minnie), shaped who I am as a woman in Christ.

I saw first hand how they put God first, took care of their families, cared for their church communities & neighbors, and carried themselves.

The women of my family radiate sunshine, but they also know how to fight when a spiritual war is at hand.

They are everything that is described in Proverbs 31:25-30

“Strength and dignity are her clothing,
    and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
    and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
    but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

I know that I have learned HOW to fear the Lord from the “long line of pioneer women,” but I also know that it is up to me to grow my OWN relationship with Jesus. I am not a Christian simply because my mom is. I learned how to become a Jesus follower because the women in my family showed me the way.

The Difference Between Saying “I Trust God” and Actually Trusting God

My life has become before my husband, Robert got sick…and after he got sick.

Before Robert got sick, I was essentially a married single mother. We had three small kids under the age of ten, Robert was always working with a schedule that was always changing, and I was a stay at home mom trying to be a substitute teacher around when he was working. Our finances weren’t great, our home life wasn’t great, our marriage was a disaster.

Even my prayer life was terrible. I kept saying, “God, I trust you with my family.” but never truly meaning it. What I was actually saying was “hey God, you are in charge of helping my kids grow to know you, but I’m gonna help you along a little bit. I found this book on parenting and I think it’ll work great!”

More often that not, I thought that if I had everything in order, and organized (don’t get me wrong, I love a good system), that my life wouldn’t be as chaotic as it felt. I always felt like I was falling behind, and like I was never going to be good enough.

I wasn’t good enough. I am still not good enough.

Now, almost a year and a half after my husband was sick with severe pancreatitis and I was stuck wondering if I really would have to be a widowed single mother, I can genuinely say I trust God fully.

I hate to say what it took to get me there, I like to think that I’m a stubborn fool and God has to shake the sense into me…and that’s why I am where I am today.

Regardless of how I got here, trusting God feels different than before.

Our finances are not great (we’re not rolling in McDuck money), but they’re fine. We have a roof over our heads, food in our pantry and fridge, and our kids never have to worry where their next meal comes from.

Our family is a unit. It’s not the kids and I with daddy somewhere in the distance. We have weekly family meetings to talk about what’s going on in our lives, what we did right, and what we can work on. We start each family dinner with a prayer and end it with a “popsicle and poopsicle” of the day.

Our marriage is stronger than ever. We love more, we forgive faster, and we fight knowing that we’re on the same team.

I trust God more. Life is still chaotic, but I’m not fighting to get control anymore. I’m learning to live in the chaos, and enjoy the ride while I’m at it.

Coffee, Chaos, and Jesus

Chimes and Vibrations against my nightstand from my phone’s alarm at 6am. Footsteps heard from upstairs. My bed, as cozy as ever, tells me just a few more minutes. The clock says otherwise. So does the rest of the family, as I can hear the start of commotion from the kids waking up and going full force from the beginning.

Robert, my husband, is the early bird between the two of us. He’s already been up and dressed for at least 30 minutes. When our kids were smaller, I was the one that opened their curtains and got the kids fully dressed for the day, because he used to have a job that had him out of the house and at work by 5am. In our current season of life, 6am is sleeping in for him…but it’s still early for me.

“Good morning my dears.” I say, with my hair a mess and my eyes just barely open as I walk up our split level staircase.

“I made you coffee, it’s in the fridge. Both boys are up, and dressed.” Robert reminds me, as he takes his packed lunch and heads out the front door.

My boys are 10 and 6 now, both very independent in dressing themselves and getting ready for the day. But they still get the daily reminder to “grab your glasses, put on deodorant, and brush your teeth” as part of a routine I set up with our smart home devices. We’ve had that routine set for the last two school years, so by now, they know once they have their water bottles in their book bags, and their shoes on after brushing their teeth, to not get comfortable because it’s minutes away from going outside to wait for the school bus.

As I sit in a recliner in our living room, drinking my coffee and watching my boys get on the bus, I’m reminded that mornings might not be my thing, but it can still be another time I get to know Jesus.

So in that moment, I start my day similar to how I ended the day before. At night, I’m typically doing my own personal study with my own annotations using my Bible resources, but in the morning I love to listen to the Bible Recap.

Dueteronomy 6:4-9 says:

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

I used to use my quiet time as another checklist item, another thing to accomplish to “become a better Christian.”

But what if instead of allowing your time with Jesus to be task to complete, you looked at it as another form of breathing? What if the first thing we opened on our phone wasn’t social media, but scripture?

What would the rest of your day look like if you started and/or ended it with Jesus?

When I Have a Free Hour

I am a mom of three kids, ages 10, 6, and 4. If you came for a visit at my house, you’d most likely also see a few of the neighborhood kids. My house is never quiet, and it’s not what I would qualify as peaceful.

It’s an understatement to say it’s loud, here. It’s often filled with music, laughter, and sometimes yelling (both out of excitement and anger). There is always something to do and/or be done. So when I have a free hour to myself, which doesn’t happen often…I’d love to tell you what I do.

• Admin household tasks: I treat running our household like a business. I create organizational systems, plan “company meetings” with presentations, order and stock supplies so that we are never OUT of anything, and do everything necessary to keep this household running smoothly

• Writing/editing: Writing books, study materials, and even writing in my journal has been one of my favorite things to do. I wish I had the time to do it everyday.

• Personal assistant work: When my kiddos are in school, I tackle the tasks I have for my personal assistant clients. If you’re looking for someone to help with your business, I’m currently available here.

• Listen to the Bible Recap

• Sleep: In reality, I’m not the best at resting. But, when I have had a long day/week I have zero problem closing my eyes for a few minutes. It’s my brain that won’t shut up. When that happens, I just lay there with my eyes close and let my mind wander in prayer until my 30 minute timer goes off to get up.

In making this list, I’m learning that I need to be better about setting time aside where I’m not doing…and instead I just allow myself to be.

I’m still trying to figure out how to keep myself from thinking that I must be productive to be useful. For anyone else, that needs that reminder today (myself included, clearly), rest is productive. You are more than what you can accomplish.